Sunday, April 22, 2018

Sorry for the long absence.

Hey gang, it's been a while...

The short of it, I lost interest in Youtube.  I started late when the adpocalypse thing was taking it's toll and just can't keep up with a schedule.  Happens to many of us I'm sure, so it's nothing special.  

Still trying to figure out what to do, you get to my age realizing everything you did to make yourself successful has been met with repeated failure, on top of people taking advantage of me to the point where you're in a literal financial rut can knock the wind out of even the toughest man's(or women's) sails.

Guess I had a goal of being a self made man to break out of a dead end town for the past 20 years and had so much holding me back.  Now that they're all gone, my skills that were once valuable are now obsolete and many careers don't take too kindly for a guy my age looking for entry level work.  Speaking of work, my day job has become the all consuming monster where I feel I can't even take time off without it going to shit.  My boss knows it, my admins know it, can't even go into my "promoted" job since my boss is taking his time replacing me being ultra picky on who he hires on purpose.  They're treating my high stress, high responsibility job as a minimum wage job and will not budge.

Conservative dead end towns have this mindset where they do not pay people what they're worth and complain that people don't want to work.  Minimum wage is unskilled labor, but the job market has changed so much this past decade many jobs expect you to know everything for little pay.  There are jobs that will not even post salary because they want to lowball you in the interview.  I asked for a raise and was turned down, so my only option is "out" but out isn't as easy when jobs around you are in the same boat.

Enough about real life, the real reason I'm here has more to do with what I need to do next.

I always talk about "hey, maybe I should do this" but end up not because of an issue that I've come to face... and that's fear.  Not so much fear of failure, but fear of getting destroyed by internet cronies.  From either channers and alt-righters if you poke fun at them, or SJWs and lefties if you criticize certain pop culture critics for being pretentious.  I mean there are death threats, and then there is doxxing which is much worse depending on what you do behind the scenes.  I've seen the lengths people go to, to ruin someone's life over an opinion.  

I've follow some well noted people on Twitter, and man I thought fandom during my webcomic days was toxic.  I'm not planning on going full Anita Sarkeesian, but I had ideas for a comic series that just pokes fun at things.  Geek culture, political, gaming, social observations, etc.  You better believe I'm going to poke fun of Trump and gun culture, both are like a literal religion of sorts.  I'm not blind to how the left saw Obama and Hilary, but they're not president right now.  There will be some dating jokes, probably will get called a misogynist for making fun of bad dates, like how Grand-dad from the Boondocks had to deal with.

Came pretty close to pulling the trigger on a good tablet,  I have my taxes back.  Just concerned that I lose interest like I did with my own webcomic back in the day.  I DO miss drawing, just worried about losing interest and go "see money wasted" and back to the slump.

I know, I'm whining.  Convinced myself to give drawing-as-potential-career another go then reality settles in and get distracted.  Felt like I had a lifetime of chances that I squandered my talent following what other people wanted me to do and not following what I like so I'm at that age where "oh shit I really fucked up" settling in, and it's not fun.  Mid life crisis?

Sorry, just needed to vent.  Sunday evening gets depressing since every week I get refreshed only for my job to suck it all out of me and need Saturdays to recover.  I can see why a 9-5 is soulcrushing.  

Be back soon, I hope.



Monday, August 21, 2017